Training Daze

March 2014...

“Come on, show us what you’ve got.”

“Ok, I’ll be there. What time?” I asked.

“0700.”

Intrigued by the challenge, I joined my new workout partner the next morning. I had no idea what to expect. How hard could this be? I’m in relatively good shape, naturally athletic, and heck, this guy has a few years on me. Little did I know Tiger Balm was going to be my new best friend, and hot baths with epsom salts a nightly remedy for muscles I didn’t know I had. 

We started training together five days a week. His ‘functional fitness’ routines left me slightly less than functional. There were days I could hardly walk, wash my hair, or laugh because I was so sore. It was an awakening; a very painful one. How did I get this out of shape? Each day I discovered a new body part, long untouched by exercise. Humbled, and embarrassed by my apparent out-of-shapeness, I declined a baseline body fat test. 

I’m not sure what inspired me to commence this new routine beyond donning a bikini in August, but it was something I couldn’t and wouldn’t do on my own. My partner motivated me, challenged me, and most importantly, wouldn’t let me quit. I kept going, he kept pushing, one day at a time.

By August I hadn’t lost a single pound. In fact, I had gained five pounds and went up a size. I had to buy new clothes to accommodate my expanding thighs. I was pissed. Out of sheer anger and frustration, I took the body fat test. I didn’t think I could feel any worse. I was wrong.

After I returned from the late summer sans-bikini beach trip, I made some changes to my diet and workout routine. I reduced my workout intensity, incorporated some cross-training, and increased my carb intake. I also ended a long-term relationship which proved to be the most effective and efficient way to lose weight, though not recommended. By October, I lost the five pounds I had gained and reduced my body fat by four percent. By Christmas, I was down another five pounds while my body fat held steady. It was a bloody miracle.

Here we are, a year later. Exercise has become a means to cope with life’s challenges. Spinning, yoga, and functional fitness keep me in shape, centered, and out of my head.  Long runs combat dark places. Weekend hikes are mini nature exploits to be shared with friends.

Last March, I could not have predicted I would be here today; seven months ago I had not even heard of El Camino de Santiago, three months ago I could not have conceived of taking six weeks off work.

Now, here I am, 30 days out.

I have a lot of partners to thank for getting me here, most especially my workout partner. Without his willingness, commitment, and perseverance- without all the training days I didn’t know were training days- I would not be able to take advantage of this opportunity, nor would I be prepared physically, mentally, or spiritually for this amazing adventure.  So here’s to you H - you’ll be with me every step of the way. Thank you.

Namaste

Brace Yourself!

"You must read this on your journey. Pay it forward when you’re done.” He handed me his copy of 'The Alchemist' after he finished working on me.

“Thank you, I will.” I can't believe he remembered my Camino. Since when do doctors remember anything personal about their patients, or take such interest?

A few hours later, I start feeling the consequences of my orthodontic appointment. It will be worth it in the end, but right now, I’m not happy. My teeth are sore and I will be surviving on geriatric food the next few days: soft and bland. Yuck.  

During the past few years, my teeth went the way of the Brits; crooked, crowded and terribly unattractive. Six horrible years of braces as a kid and you’d never know it to look at me. What a mess they’ve become. One of my great fears is walking around all day with food in my teeth. My self confidence is shredded, I brush my teeth excessively, and never, ever show my teeth for the camera.

I found my orthodontist on the web. As soon as I walked into his office I knew, This is it! Spacious, clean, and thoroughly modern; I felt completely comfortable. I was introduced to a young, handsome, hipster and... Wait. Who is this guy? He's the doctor? I don’t remember doctors being this young. When did this happen? Aren’t doctors supposed to be… older than me? Uh oh.

Nervous, concerned about his obvious lack of experience, I expect the worst. I’m going to be here for hours with all kinds of stuff shoved in my mouth, gagging on cotton and bad tasting goo, wires poking me left and right. Flashbacks of childhood enter my mind and I question my sanity. Do I really want to go through with this, again?

He moves with ease and confidence. I wonder, Are you sure you should be moving this fast? Why am letting this guy build his resume on my mouth? Within a half hour, he is done. What do you mean you’re done? That’s it? That can’t be it. You can’t possibly be done. I’m terrified to look in the mirror.   

Wow! They’re perfect. I’m impressed.

I shake hands with the doctor, grab the book, pay the bill and walk away, smiling, Metal Mouth, again. 

5-500-15

For the past six months, I have found security in a twelve-by-twelve room.

Of the things I own, only the most useful have made it here; there is little I have not touched or needed since I moved.  Those things I have not used will be reassessed. It is not to say I don’t value luxury, that too has its place. It's more a question of: What level of control do my possessions have over me? Does this bring me joy or grief? Is this of use or simply taking up space, waiting for the day that will never come?

Frank LLoyd Wright and I have a lot in common; we both believe Nature is god, we love simplicity and minimalism.  Wright spent a lifetime demonstrating this through his architecture and use of space. I respect these ideals and regularly ask myself, Do I belong to the earth or does she belong to me? Is simplicity the daily state of my affairs? Am I the janitor of my possessions? What better way to test these principles than a spiritual pilgrimage: 5-500-15--five weeks, five hundred miles, fifteen pounds.

Several months ago, a friend shared with me: ‘How to Travel the World With a 20lb Backpack.’ It was inspiring and bolstered my optimism.

Preparing for the Camino de Santiago has been transformative. Determining which fifteen pounds are the right fifteen pounds is key, but the mental preparations--the right attitude, self-confidence, and trust--are paramount, as are a few dollars in the bank and a willingness to correct mid-stream. This journey is about more than just 5-500-15, it’s a shift in consciousness.

It’s amazing how little one actually needs to survive; even more so how little one needs to be happy, to be free. In fact, my happiness and freedom seem to be inversely proportionate to my material possessions, which brings me back to Wright who said, “Freedom lies within.” And somehow I think he's right.  

Contemplation

Deadly currents, unrelenting rapids, unforgiving obstacles; the merciless power of a raging river humbles even the most insolently proud. Harsh realities conquer naivete; fighting for survival instinctual.  At the mercy of abstraction, life becomes something to endure, fight, transcend; embracing it makes vulnerable a heart in which peace can find. 

The path less travelled, soft and green, grounds restless spirits; Mother Nature soothes discontented souls, astounds the senses.  Ice vaporizes, melts, gives way to spring; dawning of new life; awake, alive, evolutionary. 

Walk not alone through the ebbs and flows of life; existing is not living.  Serenity exists for those who seek it, peace for those who create it, and love for those who share it. 

Last Vestiges of Winter

My soul cannot be satisfied this morning; nothing is quenching my thirst, calming my mind.  Silence overwhelms.  Desperately searching for a way to stop reeling, I tune into Spotify.  This genre, that genre, nothing soothes me.  I turn it off.  Eventually, I give into silence and accept that my mind is anything but still.

Trekking through the park, the last vestiges of winter afoot, the creek flows between pure white banks.  In the distance, birds are singing their morning calls.  This will all be gone soon; twenty degrees will be forty in just a few hours...

Brilliant sunlight pouring down, the earth warms, the snow begins melting but the larger rivers and lakes remain completely frozen.  Few humans are enjoying the trails this morning; perhaps it's because it's still twenty degrees.  Everything still, everything silent.  Everything except my mind.  A seeker of solitude, I am wary; six miles in and peace remains elusive.   I am sad, I am blue.

At the other side of the lake, I take a new-to-me path.  Perhaps it will reveal something the known-to-me path cannot.   A new experience may be exactly what my spirit needs.  I meander around the lake, cross the dam, and continue up the hill.  This lake was the first place I came when I moved to this town but I haven't hiked this side of it.  A new adventure at hand, I breathe in the air, continue forward, and begin to feel hopeful. 

The sun is high is high in the sky.  I soak in the light; it warms the earth, my face.  I hear birds singing all around.  The snow is falling from the trees, the ice melting rapidly.  Spring is not far off; hope is finding its way back into my heart.

It's forty degrees now.  I circle the lake in its entirety and return to the path that takes me home.   In just a matter of hours it looks totally different.  I laugh at myself for falling off my well traveled path, not just once, but twice.  I am in a different place now; my mind is calm, I am hopeful, and everything is as it is meant to be.  

Hope You Love Me Anyway

Sometimes I'm in pain;

It feels like it's all slipping away,

I can't explain it, fix it, or dismiss it;

I just want the pain to stop.

You brought light where there once was none;

Your love filled me with hope,

Times like these I want to believe again;

Fear has replaced my faith and I am at its mercy.

These days are fewer in between;

Less than there used to be but still too many,

Your voice soothes me, takes away my fear;

I reach for it, it's not there.

I have to find my own way out but don't always know how...

I hate admitting that sometimes I need you;

I've built walls around my heart,

You are the only one who can knock them down;

I am weak, flawed, fallible.

Hope you love me anyway...

Magic of Winter

Winter is the most yin season of the year.  It’s a magical season; a time for introspection, reflection, and retreat.  Icy, rainy wintry weather is Mother Nature’s way of giving us permission to be still, push the pause button on the chaos of daily life, and relax without feeling guilty.  

Today is the perfect day to curl up with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book, have coffee with a friend, or enjoy the company of dear ones.  It is a day to nurture yourself.  There won’t be many more days like this; soon warmer weather will arrive and we'll be dashing through life wondering when we will have time to relax.  

Embrace this opportunity to snuggle up with loved ones, wear your favorite sweaters and tall boots, and find acceptance of all things beyond your control, including Mother Nature.     

Namaste